Welcome back, football. Here are just a few of the reasons why we’ve missed you.


1) Phil Jones’s face

2) Transfer deadline day

3) Arsene Wenger’s coat woes

4) Wonder goals

5) Wonder own-goals

6) Jack Wilshere’s mic skills

7) 90s nostalgia

8) A player claiming he’d rather be punched in the face than spat at

Jonny Evans, left, and Papiss Cisse, right, after spitting incident

9) Commentators claiming “no one likes to see that” as a fight breaks out, when in fact that’s precisely what everyone wants to see

10) The care and attention that goes into a well-made banner

11) Topless Geordies

A Newcastle United fan holds a placard during their English Premier League soccer match against Hull City in Newcastle, northern England

12) Vanishing spray

13) David Luiz doing this to vanishing spray

14) Brendan ‘seven-and-a-half role’ Rodgers coining ever more obscure terms for tactical positions

Liverpool v Queens Park Rangers - Barclays Premier League

15) Stoppage-time winners

Soccer - UEFA Champions League - Final - Manchester United v Bayern Munich

16) When a referee falls over

17) Arsenal players with six packs who pose for selfies

18) Arsene Wenger saying that Arsenal played “a little bit with the handbrake on”

Arsenal coach Arsene Wenger attends a news conference in Dortmund

19) Peter Odemwingie’s road trips

20) Eddie Howe’s side parting

AFC Bournemouth manager Eddie Howe speaks during a news conference at The Vitality Stadium in Bournemouth

21) Zlatan being Zlatan


22) Footballers’ hairdos

23) Diego Costa’s pantomime antics

Chelsea's Costa reacts towards Everton's Coleman after Chelsea scored a goal during their English Premier League soccer match at Goodison Park in Liverpool

24) Sepp Blatter’s dancing

25) Tony Pulis sprinting down the touchline with his baseball cap

Aston Villa v West Bromwich Albion - FA Cup Quarter Final

26) Brendan Rodgers’ living-room portrait

27) Celebrity penalties

28) Hilariously terrible views at stadiums (or, at least, we love complaining about them!)

29) David Silva

Manchester City v Leicester City - Barclays Premier League

30) Harry Redknapp’s triumphant return to football management

Queens Park Rangers' coach Redknapp reacts during their English Premier League soccer match against Everton in Liverpool

31) Roy Keane

32) The Champions League theme tune. All together now: “THE CHAM-PIONS!!”

33) Twitter polls being hijacked for ‘bantz’

34) Claudio Ranieri’s utterly bonkers approach to football management

Lincoln City v Leicester City - Pre Season Friendly

35) Giant killings

Bradford City's Halliday celebrates after scoring past Chelsea's goalkeeper Cech during their FA Cup fourth round soccer match at Stamford Bridge in London

36) Managerial bust ups


37) Louis van Gaal’s withering responses to journalists…

Manchester United manager Louis van Gaal speaks to the media after introducing three new signings: Morgan Schneiderlin, Bastian Schweinsteiger and Matteo Darmian, at a news conference in Bellevue, Washington

38) …and his after-dinner speeches

39) Tomas Rosicky’s no-look passes

Arsenal's Tomas Rosicky scores a goal against AC Milan during their Champions League last 16 second leg soccer match in London

40) Arsene Wenger’s face when he gets cross

41) Fans declaring their team winners of Premier League before end of August

42) Teams who are bottom at Christmas winning 12 matches in a row to stay up

43) Teams who are top-half at Christmas losing 20 matches in a row to go down

44) Strikers who miss sitters

45) Centre-backs celebrating scrappy tap-ins as if they’ve just rifled in 30-yard thunderbolts

46) Teams who come from 3-0 down to rescue a point

47) Tony Pulis taking off his baseball cap

48) Goalkeepers getting nutmegged by Sergio Aguero

49) The smell of Ralgex on a winter’s day



50) Angry fans waving homemade banners at failing managers

51) Angry fans upping the ante by clubbing together to spend £1200 getting misspelt banners about failing mangers flown above stadiums before kick-off

52) Angry fans going the whole hog by tearing up season tickets and throwing them in the faces of mangers

53) Streakers v Stewards

54) Dogs at non-league games (especially if they wear team colours) – like @FinneyMargate

55) One club men

56) Football polygamists

57) Joe Mourinho’s mind games

58) Eccentric owners

59) When journeyman pros play like Messi for one match

60) Foreign managers’ pronunciations – ‘Queens Park Raisins’

61) Danny Welbeck’s celebrations

62) Fans who can see the funny side

63) Any Ian Holloway rant

64) A pie and a Bovril on December matchdays

65) When top players are actually down to earth (Charlie Austin)

66) Skilful wingers making full-backs fall over

67) Borrowing your mum’s heated rollers in 1993 so you can have hair like Ryan Giggs. Everyone did that, right?

68) Clive Tyldesley mangling names

69) Survival Sunday

70) The £120m Match – aka the Championship play-off final

71) Managers sitting quietly in the dugout when it’s not their team on the receiving end of shocking officiating

72) Shocking officiating

 73) A Spurs player confidently declaring that this might be the season they finish above Arsenal

Arsenal's Oxlade Chamberlain celebrates after scoring a goal during their English Premier League soccer match against Tottenham Hotspur at the Emirates stadium in London

74) Yannick Bolasie’s maverick unpredictability

Chelsea v Crystal Palace - Barclays Premier League

75) The fan who knows so much about what your team need to do to win the title you can’t believe he hasn’t been made manager yet

76) Triple substitutions in the 89th minute

77) Balti pies

78) All the other football pies (they’re just not as awesome as Balti pies)

79) Hearing fans talk about ‘the Makeleke role’ because they genuinely believe defensive midfielders were invented in the mid-noughties

80) Cold Tuesday nights at Stoke

81) El Clasico

82) Selfie-stick bans

83) 10:30pm on a Saturday

84) Tifos. Especially at Borussia Dortmund.

85) Gary Neville’s punditry


86) Cristiano Ronaldo’s goal celebrations

87) Cristiano Ronaldo’s goal celebrations when someone else scores

88) The magic of the FA Cup

89) Mario Balotelli

90) Vines

91) World Cup hype

92) Jose Mourinho being more handsome than his players

93) Genuinely feeling nostalgia for things you’re far too young to have witnessed

94) Graeme Souness’ disdain for everyone else’s opinion

95) Daniel Sturridge’s Instagram

Daniel Sturridge's shopping, courtesy of 'dstudge' on Instagram (http://instagram.com/dstudge)

96) Roy Hodgson’s head banging

97) Andrea Pirlo

98) Unfortunate tattoos

99) The “This is Anfield” sign

100) Lionel Messi